Unlike Bridget and her self-pitying, this is not a diary, nor a place to contain my thoughts and ramblings for personal reflection and my eyes only. Oh contraire. It will, instead, be the place where I will share my experiences of dating with you, the reader. Whether these experiences be good, bad or devastatingly cringe-worthy (ever the optimist), you'll get to read about them. My inspiration? The sheer number of times my friends have been on dates and then relayed their comedic experiences. All of these stories lead me to believe that my own experiences will be (at least slightly) entertaining, even if my love life remains a huge mess. I am willing to commit social suicide for the sake of blogging and bring you along on my journey (anonymously, of course). Sometimes your bad luck becomes your best story, right? I bloody well hope so. Today I'm finally taking the plunge and getting on that dating train as a twenty-something woman living in the capital and sharing my happenings with you. Prepare yourself.
I think that a little bit of background will give you a slight insight into where I'm coming from and how big a deal this dating malarky will be. I have been single for just over a year. Now that may sound like a long time for some people and for others no time at all. But personally, having been in a long-term relationship, a year feels like just enough time to truly appreciate single life. Thinking about it a bit more saying long-term is kind of an understatement. Try 1/4 of my life. Just writing that brings me out in a cold sweat. Ugh. From the age of 18-25 I was in a relationship, or more accurately, the only relationship I've been in. I don't know about you but I was still pretty immature at 18. Come to think of it I'm still pretty immature now. Sure, I thought I was an adult and I would have done a bloody good job at convincing you that I was. I had moved from the North all the way down to London for uni without knowing anyone. I got my first proper job, regularly started going to bars and clubs (legally) and had sex for the first time. But, as much as I hate to admit it, looking back I was not an adult. I was just playing at being one. Fast-forward sevenish years and I am not the same person I was at 18. The breakup left me feeling lost and confused. Don't get me wrong, it certainly was the best decision. We weren't happy for a long time and something needed to change (he was just not prepared to do it). But the worst thing was I found myself feeling like half a person, as if I didn't know how to exist as just 'me' as I was so used to being 'us'. I had never really been an adult and single, meaning that the person I had become over my formative years was influenced and shaped by my ex. Who was the single me?
I spoke to my friends, explaining my anxiety over countless overpriced Starbucks skinny lattes. Apart from telling me how my ex was 'never good enough' for me and that I should 'totally go out and have rebound sex' - you can always rely on your friends; their advice was simple (in theory). I needed to rediscover who I really was and this would take time. I, of course, nodded along to all their ideas about finding myself, getting back out there and finally having the chance to do what I wanted to do. But, with every suggestion I found myself more and more overwhelmed. What did I want to do? What did I like? Without wanting to sound like an existential hypochondriac I had never had so much freedom. I felt like I had so much to find out about myself and it really has taken me over a year to discover what I want.
I spoke to my friends, explaining my anxiety over countless overpriced Starbucks skinny lattes. Apart from telling me how my ex was 'never good enough' for me and that I should 'totally go out and have rebound sex' - you can always rely on your friends; their advice was simple (in theory). I needed to rediscover who I really was and this would take time. I, of course, nodded along to all their ideas about finding myself, getting back out there and finally having the chance to do what I wanted to do. But, with every suggestion I found myself more and more overwhelmed. What did I want to do? What did I like? Without wanting to sound like an existential hypochondriac I had never had so much freedom. I felt like I had so much to find out about myself and it really has taken me over a year to discover what I want.
What did I discover over the last year and how did I get there? Well, I'm not going to list everything because the past year could be a blog in itself. Without boring you; I found my personality, my strengths and I acknowledged my weaknesses. My BFF really hit the nail on the head when she recently introduced me to some new friends as '.........version 2.1, the new and improved model'. How very insightful and geeky of us. I can't put my finger on how I have exactly changed but I have a new found confidence that I didn't have whilst in my old relationship. I know who I am, I play by my rules and I've learnt to be more selfish with my expectations. So, after a year of soul-searching I am now ready to embark on my dating journey and the excitement and perils that accompany it (and I didn't even have to fly to Thailand and shag lots of young travellers).
So, I'm ready to see what my London Love Life will bring. Come along for the ride and I hope you enjoy the journey with me.
LLL x
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