The online dating website...

"Seriously, you have to join Generic Dating Site, loads of my friends met their boyfriends on it and it's a great way to meet new people."

At first I was sceptical when R gave me this advice. But, as more and more of my friends recommended internet dating I decided to just go for it and signed up. After paying for the first month, choosing my pictures and writing and re-writing my bio I sat back with my fingers crossed and high hopes. I knew I should expect a mixed bag of responses but some of the messages and interest after a few hours left me feeling deflated. Men twice my age suggesting they had everything in common with me and could be my Prince Charming were not exactly what I was looking for. I also began to think that maybe I needed to lower my standards a bit.

However, just under 24 hours after signing up I received a message from Cambridge guy. At first glance I thought he was kind of cute in a geeky way. He had nice eyes and from his messages I discovered that he was from the same city as me and had moved down South to go to uni at Cambridge. I'm not going to lie, intelligence is majorly sexy to me and this made me more intrigued by him even if he was a couple of years younger. After exchanging 4 or 5 emails over the day he finally asked me if I wanted to go for a drink. I was glad that we didn't have to prolong the initial messages and that he was straight to the point and got in there quickly. He also added me to Facebook which I was a little reserved about but I suppose it was a good opportunity for both of us to engage in a little 'healthy' pre-date stalking to check each other out some more.

So, I am happy to announce that our first date is set for Monday evening. He said he wanted to do something 'casual' (perhaps read: unadventurous) and he decided on a bar in my area. I am feeling a little anxious but knowing that I will be on my home turf is putting me more at ease. My only hope is that it's not awkward and we have enough things to talk about, even if there is no chemistry between us. Now all I have to deal with is the issue of what to wear. I have already tried on around 5 outfits and I'm still not convinced, particularly with the weird London weather at the moment. Let's hope some inspiration comes to me over night. It's all going so fast but I'm happy to go with the flow at the moment. Wish me luck.

LLL x  

The London effect...

Living in London is both a blessing and a burden for single adults looking for love. On the one hand there are tons of amazing places to explore and literally millions of interesting people to meet in a city of this size. I'm all for options. On the other hand, Londoners can be completely detached from their surroundings and many live in their own private bubble. On a day-to-day basis people rarely take notice of one-another making it almost impossible to spark up a conversation. Everyone is in a rush to get somewhere and it's ridiculously easy to get sucked into this lifestyle.

Take tube journeys, for example. As a northern girl back home I was used to chatting away to old ladies about their recent M&S bargains on public transport. London is a different story altogether. Over the last 8 years I've learned lots.

1. Commuting is incomplete without being plugged into your iPod and thus drowning out the miserable drone of 'Mind the Gap'.

2. Checking your texts, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr (insert social media here) is ritualistic, meaning nobody ever looks up from their mobile.

3. The impeccably written journalism of the Metro (sarcasm) is instantly more compelling when faced with a row of fellow commuters uncomfortably fidgeting opposite you.

4. Your feet become really interesting when you are forced to endure the sweaty armpit of a man invading your personal space during rush hour.

All of the above examples are indicative of our need to keep ourselves to ourselves and the barrier we put up which is so high that it could almost outdo the might of the Shard. It also communicates the message: 'Don't fucking look at me, I'm busy, stressed and just want to get home'. Be warned, if you do ever catch the eye of a stranger on public transport you are dangerously teetering on stalker territory. It's best to look away instantly in case they pull the emergency alarm and you're stuck in an uncomfortable tunnel similar to Hades or Elephant and Castle for an hour.

I remember a rare occasion a few months ago when a guy attempted to flirt with my friend and I on the tube. It was the middle of the day but he and his rowdy friends stunk of beer and their Arsenal shirts indicated that they had been watching the game at a pub near the Emirates and close to my home. This was most certainly the only reason he had the balls to chat to us, let's call it dutch courage. His first mistake was his opening line. Turning to face me and sniffing my hair he confidently asked me in his South London twang:

"What perfume are you wearing, Chanel Mademoiselle, right darlin'? It smells divine".

I exchanged a terrified glance at my friend who eyed-me knowingly with a look that said:'What the Fuck?'. Without panicking I turned to him and replied in my polite British way:

"Ermmm, yep it is. Although I'm a bit worried that you know that.... and that you were sniffing me".

He attempted a half-smile, visibly embarrassed and turned to his friends, who had started to laugh hysterically at his attempt to start a conversation, for support. This was his second mistake. Having friends that did not back him up and instead took the piss did nothing for his street-credibility. The realisation that I had basically just called him a weirdo in front of his friends soon took over and he quickly tried to save himself from the depths of humiliation by responding:

"Oh no, it's just that I used to work in the perfume section at Debenhams, it's my favourite".

Wow. Now instead of a him just being a hair-smelling creep he had emasculated himself in front of his friends by revealing his history of working in women's perfume. His friends continued to laugh for what seemed like an eternity (the distance between Caledonian Road and King's Cross is ridiculously long) as my friend and I awkwardly tried to chat amongst ourselves about the bar we were heading for and avoid any follow-up of conversation with the Arsenal lads. One of his friends did find some compassion and decided to give him advice, correctly telling him, and the rest of the carriage that:

"You can't try and chat up girls by guessing their perfume, you just sound gay".

I wonder if he ever did use that line again. Would it actually work? In conclusion, public transportation is probably not the best place to meet the man of your dreams.

The alternative? Don't even get me started on meeting men in clubs. My experiences of Thursday nights in the city are not pretty. Young guys with their collars unbuttoned, ties around their heads and Vodka-Red Bull breath with hands like Mr Tickle are not a turn-on. Happy Hour in these places should be renamed 'avoid-these-men-like-the-plague Hour'. Another option is a Friday night out in Shoreditch. Men who work in media dressed in skinnier jeans than me, a checkered shirt, beard and sailor tattoos (Captain Birds Eye?) sipping cocktails from a jar and debating whether Patty and Bun or Meat Liquor do the best burger is not exactly appealing. It's hard to feel anything but uncool in these hipster-filled dark caverns filled with posers. I don't know which is worse to be honest.

How does a newbie dater go about finding eligible men and scoring a date in this whirlwind of a city? This combined with the fact that I have not dated for 6 years and have no concept of modern dating etiquette apart from my brief education thanks to Channel 4's First Dates does nothing for my self-belief. Am I a slag if I kiss on the first date? How long should I wait before I respond to texts? Am I still too young for Harry Styles? I really am up a creek without a paddle. God. Help. Me.

LLL x          

The beginning...

I'm sat here desperately trying to avoid comparisons to Bridget Jones however at the moment I feel all that is missing is a cigarette in hand, an empty bottle of red next to my bed and a pair of Spanx on the floor. I am, however, singing along to All By Myself. Just kidding. Honest.

Unlike Bridget and her self-pitying, this is not a diary, nor a place to contain my thoughts and ramblings for personal reflection and my eyes only. Oh contraire. It will, instead, be the place where I will share my experiences of dating with you, the reader. Whether these experiences be good, bad or devastatingly cringe-worthy (ever the optimist), you'll get to read about them. My inspiration? The sheer number of times my friends have been on dates and then relayed their comedic experiences. All of these stories lead me to believe that my own experiences will be (at least slightly) entertaining, even if my love life remains a huge mess. I am willing to commit social suicide for the sake of blogging and bring you along on my journey (anonymously, of course). Sometimes your bad luck becomes your best story, right? I bloody well hope so. Today I'm finally taking the plunge and getting on that dating train as a twenty-something woman living in the capital and sharing my happenings with you. Prepare yourself.

I think that a little bit of background will give you a slight insight into where I'm coming from and how big a deal this dating malarky will be. I have been single for just over a year. Now that may sound like a long time for some people and for others no time at all. But personally, having been in a long-term relationship, a year feels like just enough time to truly appreciate single life. Thinking about it a bit more saying long-term is kind of an understatement. Try 1/4 of my life. Just writing that brings me out in a cold sweat. Ugh. From the age of 18-25 I was in a relationship, or more accurately, the only relationship I've been in. I don't know about you but I was still pretty immature at 18. Come to think of it I'm still pretty immature now. Sure, I thought I was an adult and I would have done a bloody good job at convincing you that I was. I had moved from the North all the way down to London for uni without knowing anyone. I got my first proper job, regularly started going to bars and clubs (legally) and had sex for the first time. But, as much as I hate to admit it, looking back I was not an adult. I was just playing at being one. Fast-forward sevenish years and I am not the same person I was at 18. The breakup left me feeling lost and confused. Don't get me wrong, it certainly was the best decision. We weren't happy for a long time and something needed to change (he was just not prepared to do it). But the worst thing was I found myself feeling like half a person, as if I didn't know how to exist as just 'me' as I was so used to being 'us'. I had never really been an adult and single, meaning that the person I had become over my formative years was influenced and shaped by my ex. Who was the single me?

I spoke to my friends, explaining my anxiety over countless overpriced Starbucks skinny lattes. Apart from telling me how my ex was 'never good enough' for me and that I should 'totally go out and have rebound sex' - you can always rely on your friends; their advice was simple (in theory). I needed to rediscover who I really was and this would take time. I, of course, nodded along to all their ideas about finding myself, getting back out there and finally having the chance to do what I wanted to do. But, with every suggestion I found myself more and more overwhelmed. What did I want to do? What did I like? Without wanting to sound like an existential hypochondriac I had never had so much freedom. I felt like I had so much to find out about myself and it really has taken me over a year to discover what I want. 

What did I discover over the last year and how did I get there? Well, I'm not going to list everything because the past year could be a blog in itself. Without boring you; I found my personality, my strengths and I acknowledged my weaknesses. My BFF really hit the nail on the head when she recently introduced me to some new friends as '.........version 2.1,  the new and improved model'. How very insightful and geeky of us. I can't put my finger on how I have exactly changed but I have a new found confidence that I didn't have whilst in my old relationship. I know who I am, I play by my rules and I've learnt to be more selfish with my expectations. So, after a year of soul-searching I am now ready to embark on my dating journey and the excitement and perils that accompany it (and I didn't even have to fly to Thailand and shag lots of young travellers).

So, I'm ready to see what my London Love Life will bring. Come along for the ride and I hope you enjoy the journey with me.

LLL x